Recently, my little family has entered what appears to be another phase in our development. My daughter, Hayden, is now eight months old, and has quickly mastered the surprisingly effective army crawl method of getting around. In short, she has become mobile, inquisitive, and adventurous, and through no intent of her own, has brought a bevy of new hazards into her young life. I write this today with a mix of pride in her new skills, relief in our new ability to set the child down for a spell to wander on her own, and an edginess that has been brought to a new level as a result of the aforementioned hazards that have now presented themselves to little Hayden.
The first of these hazards is our most nocturnal resident, the former street-walking feline named Blackjack, and known simply as Jack the Cat. Jack is actually a fairly docile kitty who would much rather lie on a warm mat for hours than get into any one’s business. Hayden, on the other hand, much like any newly mobile cruiser, is enamored and perhaps even a bit obsessed with her furry roommate. If Jack so much as saunters through Hayden’s view, she is off to the races, and is not interested in petting the kitty. No, at this age, prior to learning the petting skill, interaction with the cat involves either a smack/smash combination, or the more frequent, and retribution-inducing, grab-and-pull technique.
Jack is a former alley cat who we took in a few years prior to the kids arrival, and he may just find his way happily back to the alley at this point. He has retained both his front and back claws during his time squatting on our property, and we would have it no other way, but it does mean a closer eye on the interactions between he and the kids is vital. Though damaging exchanges of swipes are rare, they have happened, and hurt both ways. Fortunately, Jack has already experienced Hurricane Xavier for almost three years now, so pretty much steers clear of his “little” sister. We live in a small place however, making an occasional crossing of paths inevitable, so diligent guardians we must remain.
The cat is a hazard, yes, and one we have dealt with for some time, but there is another new hazard in Hayden’s life that neither we nor Xavier had to deal with during his development through mobility. This new hazard is none other than Xavier himself. Yes, big brother loves little sister, and often loves her just a bit too strongly.
Xavier has been interested in Hayden since her birth. He regularly reminds us how pretty Hayden is, and already tells her he loves her every night as they are heading off to bed. Before her new mobility, Xavier’s kisses were given on our schedule, and always on the top of the head, or feet if the head wasn’t available. Over the last few weeks, we have noticed a change however, and though it has something to do with Hayden’s new “independence”, it likely has as much to do with Xavier trying to establish a new level of independence himself.
It is a very fine line that seems to exist between their relationship bliss and sudden, inexplicable, and generally harmless violence. Hayden adores her big brother who is almost exactly two years her elder. He is one of the most reliable methods of not only ending her crying and fussiness, but also of bringing pure joy and happiness to her face. They can go for stretches together on the floor playing and laughing. One of their favorite games right now involves Xavier riding his little fire truck around the couch with Hayden “chasing” behind him. I have never heard Xavier laugh so genuinely and deeply until I saw this game played, and it is immensely gratifying to watch. Even during their innocent play, however, we can already see Xavier’s possessiveness of not only his, but her toys as well. He will normally take from Hayden all but the single toy that he thinks will “make her feel better”. Generally that toy is a forgotten doll that neither of them have ever had much interest in, and this quickly results in her abandonment of said doll for whatever it is that he is playing with. Unless we quickly intervene, the ensuing melee (yes, you might be surprised how strong and aggressive an eight month old can be) normally resolves with a light smack on the head or a push from Xavier, followed by Hayden’s patented spine-tingling, medulla-stinging screech and cry which I believe she created using a sample from an early Bjork ditty, then remixed into her own terror-ridden riff.
Back during one of our first pediatrician check-ups with young Hayden, our doctor told us that above all else, watch the older sibling with her. Though we understood what he meant, I don’t think that either of us on the parental team knew exactly what we might be in for. There is no doubt in my mind that Xavier genuinely likes Hayden, probably “loves” her insomuch as an almost three year old can love another child, but without the understanding of his own power and her ability to feel pain, that love can be a dangerous weapon. Most of the time, mishaps occur because of an overwhelming hug from big brother toppling the unstable little one, or an ill-advised snatch of a toy that he believes she is too young to have (generally he is right in his assessment of the toys she shouldn’t have, by the way). Sometimes, though, there appears in Xavier an emotion we had yet to fully realize before now, a stubborn jealously that quickly escalates from an encounter with Hayden on the toy mat to a blowout with Mom or Dad about who is really in charge ending in a sobbing visit to the timeout spot.
I know that like all else, this phase will pass and become something new to challenge our parenting skills, patience, and sanity, but right now, it is a roller-coaster of blissful contentedness and angry confrontations. I look forward to what the next phase will bring, and though there are surely countless more sibling battles yet to occur, it will be nice to at least see Hayden grow to a fair fighting weight and even the playing field for a while anyway. Until then, I welcome any stories of your own experience with siblings and their battles born from love. Thanks in advance for sharing.
Be Well!
