Not Just Another Dad

I remember well the first time I actually watched Tiger Woods play golf. It was the final round of the 1996 U.S. Amateur Championship, and I tuned in late with Tiger down 2 holes and only 3 to play. He had been down five with nine to play, and was in the midst of what would become an historic comeback when he holed out a short birdie putt on the final hole to force a playoff. He then won on the second playoff hole for his record third consecutive U.S. Amateur Championship. He would go on to turn pro later that summer, winning the Masters for his first major victory the very next spring. Since that amazing start I have enjoyed and been amazed by Tiger’s ability to do under extreme pressure what very few people have been able to do at all. Almost every time I have watched Tiger play a “have-to-win” hole or stroke a “must-make” putt, he has succeeded. His success pleased me greatly as a sports fan, and specifically as a fan of golf.

I also vaguely remember first hearing about his relationship with Elin Nordegren. I believe that one of my friends sent me an e-mail, or forwarded a link to an article about it. The basic premise was, of course, that Tiger had met and started dating an “attractive” Swedish model. Upon reading further, I discovered that, in addition to some modeling, she was also a nanny for PGA Tour veteran Jesper Parnevik who was friendly with Tiger and introduced the couple. An apparent whirlwind romance, and a couple children later, all seemed simply peachy for Tiger and Elin. I distinctly remember seeing the Woods’ now famous family photo early in 2009, and saying to my wife, Kerry, “Wow! Tiger has really built himself a perfect life, huh?” I’m sure that I am not the only one who made such a soon-to-be-off-the-mark comment upon viewing that wonderful image.

Wait a minute here! You are probably now asking yourself, doesn’t this guy have a golf blog that would be better suited for this Tiger Woods nonsense? Yes, it would, if I were going to speak of golf, and indeed I have written a couple of times on the subject on my golf blog here. This piece, however, is not about golf per se, but rather the way that Tiger has become the latest of famous fathers to be hammered by our society for his failings as a faithful husband and responsible dad.

It is interesting to me how different people value vices and virtues differently, and indeed how they project those values upon others, quite often others with whom they have never become acquainted. It is hard to defend Tiger when discussing what he has done off the course, and I am not interested in trying. Quite to the contrary, I find his behaviors to be in unfathomably poor taste, socially retarded, and downright cruel to those who love him most, i.e. Elin and her two beautiful children.

Despite all that, many have reacted against the media who found the slight tear in the fabric of perfection that Tiger had draped over his personal life and tore it to shreds, revealing significantly more than perhaps anyone expected to find. While I also find much of what “our” media does these days to be predatory and inappropriate, they are merely reflecting what the masses want to know. It is easier than ever to know what subject matter the world wants to talk about with Google and other search engines compiling our curiosities millions of times over and making the knowledge available to anyone interested. People are clearly interested in seeing this man’s life exposed for all the bad it could possibly harbor, but to what end?

Tiger is going to come back to golf. He may or may not have reconciled with Elin by then, and may or may not have become a better husband, father, and person that he said he wants to be. He may or may not still have the drive to not just win, but bury his competitors, yet it remains highly likely that he will ultimately break Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 Majors.

I don’t care!

Really, I don’t. Though I was a fan, upon introspection I never really rooted for Tiger, but rather watched in awe as he accomplished things on the course that I can barely even dream of doing myself. Sure, there were times when I rooted for Tiger over another competitor as I did during that Masters victory in 1997, or when he faced off with an insipid and annoying Sergio Garcia in the 1999 PGA Championship. Recently, however, I have found several others who have captured my attention, and who I have rooted for over Tiger. Whether it is Phil Mickelson, Geoff Ogilvy, Anthony Kim, or that cool new kid on the block, Rory McIlroy, they all portray a humanity and openness that Tiger mostly eliminated from his on-air persona at least a decade ago.

So, when Tiger returns, yes, I am still going to watch him play, and I am still going to be in awe of what he accomplishes, but rooting for him will be no more or less a part of it for me than it was before. The reason for this is pretty simple actually. I don’t in any way model myself after Tiger Woods…not even on the golf course! First, I know I will never hit a ball like he does, no matter how much I practice, it will not happen…ever. Second, I do not like Nike products…I didn’t buy them before this incident, and will not buy them now. This holds true for all other products Tiger endorses save for Gatorade which I drank routinely before even Tiger graduated high school. Finally, I never, ever have or will think Tiger would excel over me at being a husband or father.

So, let me ask you, how do you feel about Tiger Woods? Have you judged him for what we have learned about his marital infidelities? Are there others you have known personally who have done something similar? Does the number of women that Tiger has been linked to thus far make it any worse than if it had been just one? Again, it doesn’t matter what we all think, it only matters what Tiger thinks…and to Tiger, hopefully it matters what Elin and his two children will think. Tiger committed no sin against you, only himself, and his family, and he is now having to answer to them.

What of other “sinners”?

Pete Rose holds the record in baseball for most career hits with 4,256, yet he will likely never enter baseball’s Hall of Fame. He bet on baseball, if you hadn’t already heard, and even bet on his own team (to win, according to Mr. Rose). He violated one of baseball’s sacred rules, and will therefore not be allowed the honor of being one of their all-time greats on the field. Tiger will not only be enshrined in golf’s Hall of Fame the day he hangs up the spikes, but was just named the PGA Player of the Year right in the midst of this scandal. Is betting on baseball games a more undesirable transgression than cheating on your wife? Of course not, but professionally there is no contest because of the relevance of the “crime”.

Bill Clinton cheated on his wife while holding the highest political office in the United States of America, and arguably the world. He was asked about it by a judge during his deposition in the Kenneth Starr led Whitewater investigation and dodged the question, only to lie about his affair in public. Despite the question and the affair being completely irrelevant to the investigation, Clinton was impeached by the House of Representatives, becoming only the second U.S. president to be impeached, though he was later acquitted by the Senate. One of the articles of impeachment, and in my opinion, the most relevant, was “abuse of power”, which Clinton clearly did. But did he? Did Clinton really do anything that many others have done despite holding no power? I will leave it for you to decide, but the end result was a completed Clinton presidency, a public humiliation, followed by the continued ability to make loads of money making appearances and speeches across the world to this day. The Clintons are still married, though the grounds of which will only be fully known by Bill and Hillary.

Others who have publicly cheated, yet manage to maintain a very comfortable lifestyle and fan following include Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Hugh Grant, Charlie Sheen, and David Letterman. Did they “abuse their power”? Certainly they did (well, maybe not Mr. Grant), but somehow many millions have found it in their hearts to forgive these philanderers, so why not Tiger too?

When asked, I will always answer that I am not a religious man, but I am a spiritual one. I believe in a personal moral and ethical code, many facets of which should be shared by all civilized and sane folks. I believe that the act itself is not a violation of that code, but rather the effect that said act may have, i.e. the pain it will likely cause others. I think that a code of statutory laws is also required for a society to run itself with consistency, though I believe those laws require fair judgment to determine whether the circumstances surrounding the violation of the letter of the law deem the violation to be “understandable” and “forgivable”. We have legislators, police officers, judges and courts in America to perform the latter service, but the former must be handled by ourselves.

Some of these codes cross over between moral/ethical and statutory. Examples of those would include murder, theft, and assault. Tiger Woods committed a violation of statutory law when he drove over that fire hydrant, and he paid his debt to society for that. He also committed many acts many of us would deem a violation of our moral code, but it is only Tiger who can say if he violated his moral code, and unless we are willing to create a statutory law against extramarital affairs (which we should not!), it is not our responsibility to judge Tiger, but rather hope that he did knowingly violate his own moral code, and will ask forgiveness from himself, and from the rest of the people in his life he hurt.

I know the decision that I have made regarding this subject, and I hope that most or all of you would agree. We need to cease our support for the media gossip machine, and leave these “celebrities” to their business. If a childish actor decides to get liquored up and plows his Hummer into a palm tree, let’s let the police handle it, and not concern ourselves with why it happened and what the results were by purchasing issues of Us, People, and National Enquirer. Stop watching those god-awful television programs aired just before prime time, the worst of which might be TMZ, designed only to openly gossip about celebrities. Finally, we must end our need to be “up” on all the latest gossip by visiting celebrity gossip blogs and sites online. Only when we stop will the media stop, and we can get back to being interested in making ourselves better people too.

Be Well!