Not Just Another Dad

The Nap No More? 2

Posted by David - January 8th, 2010

Today I will write of something very dear to my own heart…sleep. Sleeping is one of those activities that is so vital to human development, yet one that the fortunate among us take for granted. Obviously it has become something of a problem, at least for many in America, when you look at the sales of pharmaceuticals designed to help people get more sleep. Though my untrained opinion is that this may have something to do with the overwhelming use of drugs designed to keep us awake, the point of this post is not to explore the cause of insomnia, nor to come down hard on coffee as I sip one myself. No, this post is going to illustrate the challenges we face in our family that make best practices anything but achievable. I am hopeful that this post will reach many who have educated opinions on the subject, both through education, but also personal experience. Though I am partial to the scientific method, I am one who believes that even without a post graduate degree, you can have a perfectly valid opinion on child rearing.

It is well known and understood that when a new baby arrives, the parents will suffer from both a deficiency and irregularity of sleep. Though some rare parents can maintain sufficient sleep, most have to deal with the fact that infants do not sleep continuously for various reasons, among which having a tiny stomach and a crazy growth rate are a major factor. Babies need to eat every 2-3 hours generally during their first several months of life, so those mothers who breast-feed and do not pump are relegated to short sleep increments for at least several months. I have learned that somewhere between 4-6 months of life, a child can go a full night of sleep without feeding, which is when we were advised to wean our children into sleeping on their own by allowing them to cry during the night until they fell back to sleep on their own. Most of me believes that this IS the right thing to do for both the child and the parents to achieve a more regular sleep pattern which in turn, has been shown to benefit mood as well as good health, and even better weight management.

The ability to achieve this, of course depends on a lot of factors. In our case, with our first child, we were unsuccessful. Xavier was an eater, and loved his short but frequent gluttonous moments of guzzling throughout the day, followed by a satisfying nap. Sometime around six months, we gave the cry method a shot, but Xavier was very persistent and loud. This was disturbing to both of us, but it was Kerry who ended the experiment after a handful of nights. This was probably the root of almost every real argument we have had since, both of us with very legitimate reasons to behave the way we have. Kerry determined that ignoring a crying baby was not in her nature, and to her credit, she took on the full responsibility of making the middle of the night visits to Xavier which slowed to about one per night, but lasted until he was 2 years old, and little sister came along.

Aside from Kerry’s compassionate nature was the issue of where we live. I have mentioned it many times before on this blog; we live in a multi-unit, true loft condo, and loud noises are an issue. Certainly, this is not a problem unique to us, nor is it unique to loft developments which is why I am so curious about others’ experiences. Regardless, our neighbors were part of the reason for our failure to ignore the crying demands of our son…our ignoring the problem was by proxy ignoring the desires of those nearby neighbors who, yes made the decision to live in a multi-unit dwelling, but a babies’ cry has a way of eliminating rational thought and understanding in the middle of the night. To her credit in most cases, Kerry is extremely empathetic, and behaves very much so in our building.

In April of 2009 we brought home our daughter and second child, Hayden. We had put our condo up for sale seven and a half months earlier in anticipation of needing more space inside our home, as well as between us and our neighbors. The crappy economy took care of that, so Hayden came home without a room, or even a real bed of her own. One huge benefit of Kerry’s four day stay in the hospital with Hayden was the forced weaning of big brother Xavier. He had his last taste of mother’s milk shortly before our trip to the hospital for Hayden’s scheduled birth. He spent the rest of that day at Grandpa Tom’s and Grandma Shirley’s place from where I picked him up around 9:30 pm. This would be our first ever father-and-son solo night, and during the pickup my Dad explained that Xavier hadn’t napped because “he didn’t seem interested in a nap”. I am still trying to determine if that was an act of revenge for my father’s own sleepless nights some 37 years earlier, or simply his own disinterest in battling my willful son.

Anticipating a very difficult night, Xavier and I embarked on the five minute car ride through River North. About three minutes in a peeked in the rear view mirror to see my little man out cold in the back seat. Even as I dislodged him from his car seat and carried him into the apartment he continued sleeping all the way into bed…VICTORY! He awoke once during the night, but fell back to sleep fairly quickly simply rocking in my lap (yes, on the Beast for those who read my last post). We repeated the process for the next several nights as Xavier became a nomad, taken in by various generous relatives. Those four days were an incredible bonding experience for Xavier and I, and even after Mom returned home, Xavier began sleeping through the night, with nary a peep.

With Hayden, we made a few cursory attempts at a bassinet, and later the not-so-trusty pack-and-play, but co-sleeping became the default option, and remains so to this day nine months along. Y’know, it certainly isn’t ideal, but when life hands you lemons…right? We were fortunate that Xavier had established a restful sleep pattern, and Hayden, strangely enough slept mostly through the night from the day she came home. Sure, she wakes for brief periods through the night, and has forced Kerry to sleep upright in bad far too often, but our bed is plenty big, and she is my baby girl, so I am just fine with it, for now.

Holiday season 2009 brought us into a new phase of sleeping challenges. Though we are not certain of the real cause, a fairly mild, but very persistent and annoying bug infiltrated our home in mid-November. It began with Kerry and her unending cough, jumped to Xavier and I, then, finally to little Hayden. Just when we all appeared to recover, we took our holiday trip to Iowa, and the pattern repeated, though this time just for the kids. The inability to breathe through one’s nose will drive anyone mad during the night, especially those with no understanding of why. Xavier began waking up at various points in the night, leaving us with those fun middle of the night rock-paper-scissors sessions which, strangely, I always seem to “win”. Of course, in this case “winning” means staying with the baby who might or might not wake up screaming during the process. I generally prefer to take my chances and stay in bed, of course.

As an added bonus, Xavier tossed in the sudden awareness of all the sounds and lights around him during the night, and may have had too much of a gander on Christmas Eve at the early part of “Night At The Museum”. We definitely should have known better than to think he would find the stick-fetching T-Rex skeleton “cute” and “amusing”. So, going to bed with our smooth routine was no longer sufficient and has become an extended negotiating session during which Xavier negotiates and we say no. We have placed different night lights in various places, adjusted the “open-ness” of the two doors to his room, placed his pillow at either end of the crib, and provided not one, not two, but three sippy cups of water along the bedside. We have stopped short of allowing him toys in bed (don’t want to start the habit of playing in bed) nor have we allowed him to sleep in our room.

Shortly thereafter, he began putting up a big fuss over his midday nap. This had been even less of a problem than the bedtime for at least a year as he has always been a good napper. It occurred to me that his fussiness at midday might not be fear or whatever was keeping him up at night, but rather that he just wasn’t tired. I vaguely recall being early to give up naps myself, and I believe was given a special exemption to nap time at Montessori so long as I stayed quiet and looked at books. I also know that about the only time I can’t fall asleep is when I am told to do so. I did a little research on the various blogs I follow, and became convinced that right around Xavier’s age (2 years and 10 months) lots of toddlers “give up” on napping, at least for a little while. The difference for most is that they go to bed for the night on average around 7:30 pm and sleep until 7:30 am. Xavier has pretty consistently gone to bed around 9:15-9:30 pm and sleeps until 7:00 am, but with his 2 hour midday nap, still got in the recommended 12 hours of sleep per day.

I spoke to Kerry about it, and mostly convinced her to try skipping the nap for a while, but getting him into bed at 7:30. This has been met with some resistance, both from Xavier, and from Kerry, so has been anything but consistent. It is a shame that his new nighttime fears have led to some changes in our own behavior, e.g. sitting with him for the 10-15 minutes it takes him to fall asleep, then getting up at 3:00 am every night to sit with him again, or we might have a better idea of how the skipping is working. I remain convinced that with no nap and an earlier bedtime, he will be a better rested little guy, so will persist, but in these matters, Kerry bears the brunt of any side effects, so ultimately controls the real execution.

To complicate matters (or potentially solve them), we just received Xavier’s new toddler bed, so are about to transition him into his own minimum security bed, and Hayden from our bed into the crib, where she will now share a bedroom with big brother. The toddler bed became necessary now that Xavier can easily get himself up and over the sides of the crib, but most certainly cannot execute a safe and effective dismount with a stuck landing. I am anxious, but confident that the transition, though potentially rocky, will ultimately be good for all of us.

I would really appreciate any personal knowledge or experiences you all could convey on the subject of sleep, but napping in particular. I think that knowing what is within the range of typical vs. completely abnormal would be helpful in making a smooth transition for us.

Be Well!

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It’s The Little Things

Posted by David - January 5th, 2010

I am tired tonight, so this may be brief, but wanted to get it posted while it is fresh on my brain.

One thing of which I have become keenly aware in parenthood are all the little noises that make up the constant din of life. Particularly noticeable are those noises that occur at night, especially here in a multi-unit condo building a javelin’s throw from the heart of downtown Chicago (I’ve tried throwing a stone across the river, but it can’t be done, at least not by my 38 year old blown-out arm). This is because of how much I have learned to value a full uninterrupted night of sleep, and the rarity at which it occurs for me. By the way, from my wife’s point of view, every word in this post should be in ALL CAPS and bold print as she takes the brunt of the nighttime disturbances.

Among the noises that grate on me are the horrible and demanding moan of the cat. Who ever thought keeping a nocturnal animal as a pet was a good idea never lived with two kids in a downtown loft…I can assure you of that. Before the children, I wouldn’t even have known Jack was here save for the cat-hair-bunnies in the corners of the room, but once the kids arrived, the 3 o’clock hour brings a nightly chorus of demands that must be met with the opening of a Fancy Feast for them to end! I am a whisker away from gathering what’s left of his food along with a can opener in a bandanna, tying it to a stick, and sending him packing…and if any of you PETA folk have an issue with that, by all means, offer up your own loving home.

Another recurring cacophony is the late night (and please understand that “late” for us these days is after 9:00 pm) ambling of the neighbors above us. Please note that I have an acute understanding of how loud we are through most of the daylight hours, so do not blame the folks upstairs, but it is what it is. This is a brick and timber loft building and virtually every unit has beautiful hardwood floors cushioned here and there with area rugs. Well, when lying in bed, those high heeled shoes trotting across the ceiling/floor might as well be poking directly through my eardrum, and worse, the eardrum of my suddenly sensitive little boy. Yes, Xavier has entered his inquisitive phase for lack of a better term, and wants to know the origin and meaning of every drip, scrape, clank, and creak made once he lies down to sleep. Once he is awakened, it becomes a game of 20 questions before I can head back to the warmth of my own bed.

Finally, and by no means is this even close to an exhaustive list, there is the “man-sized” rocking recliner that I purchased for Kerry about a year and a half ago to replace the even more nauseating squeaky wooden rocker passed down from her grandmother. Oh, that old rocker was going to be the end of my sanity altogether, so we headed out to find a suitable replacement upon which Kerry rests with the babies, first Xavier, and now Hayden. The chair is a vital piece of furniture, but as I stated above, we live in a loft condo with very high ceilings, no complete walls, and hardwood floors. For a while, the new chair was a dream. It brought comfort, quiet, and peaceful sleep, but then things began to change.

The Beast

A squeak began to develop, and grew steadily until it became almost as bad as the replaced rocker. The darn thing is also elusive, and no amount of WD-40 can quiet the beast. I considered rubbing bacon grease on all the joints before Kerry calmly reminded me that it might attract bugs…right, that though it might smell nice, would not be a desirable solution. The problem is, that as I said, the chair is vital to our nighttime rituals, so the squeaks continue, and with each one, the nerves fray a bit more, and the temptation to toss it over the balcony become all so appealing.

Because we are in a seemingly eternal showing cycle as we continue to try to sell our home, we can not afford a net addition to the “staged” environment. This means, of course, that the recliner too now must find a new home. So up for sale it goes. Still to be determined is whether it goes on craigslist.com or on e-Bay, but either way, it must begone. Oh, give it a carpeted floor upon which to rest, and it will be a good quiet-er friend for years to come. With soft microfiber, and a surprising amount of lumbar support, it is one of the most comfortable chairs I have ever slept in, and have completed many a night doing just that. Alas, this is not that home. With any luck, we will get an offer on our house before we unload the chair, but that would seem unlikely, and the beast will have to go, only to be replaced with a smaller and more nimble cousin from the glider family. And if any of you are interested, and live in Chicago, please let us know…perhaps we’ll throw in a medium sized good-natured black cat as a bonus!

So, as I type as quietly as I can to avoid the toddler inquisition, I bid you all adieu. I wish you all silence and a full night’s sleep!

Be Well!

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Return to Huck’s Harbor!

Posted by David - December 28th, 2009

I think that one of the wisest of sayings is, “when thrown by a horse, get right back on.” While the saying was coined with regards to actually riding a horse, I think it can be applied to almost anything. The point is that when you have an awful experience with something, the fear of trying again will get greater the longer it is allowed to fester, destroying your confidence to ever try again. While fear is an excellent survival mechanism passed down through years of human evolution, it is counterproductive when it prevents one from improving a skill that would allow for future enjoyment far outweighing the risk of trying again.

For my son, the most recent “horse” was the aquatic entertainment center in Burlington, IA known as Huck’s Harbor. I wrote previously in this blog about our dismal first attempt at Xavier “swimming” in my post titled “Terror in the Kiddie Pool!“. Just in case you don’t have time to peruse that post, the basic premise was that we tried the small toddler portion of the water park back in July. For Xavier, that experience was anything but fun. I was mildly concerned that my two year old son would be turned off to swimming forever by the trauma that befell him that day, especially with swimming having been such an enjoyable part of my own childhood. For Xavier that day, the 1-2 foot deep kiddie pool with its various slides shaped like frogs, seahorses, and similar creatures was simply too much, and it culminated with a terrifying float on Dad’s lap down the “lazy river” portion of the park. In Xavier’s defense, Huck’s Harbor needs to work on warming their water a bit for the experience to be truly refreshing.

Our return to Huck’s Harbor came about as we planned our annual holiday visit back to Burlington, IA to see the maternal side of the family. We were going to be in Burlington for four nights this year, so decided to spend our final night at the Pzazz Resort Hotel, part of the enormous Fun City entertainment complex, and directly attached to the indoor portion of Huck’s Harbor mainly devoted to toddlers. Because of the season, and the fact that anyone older than 6 or so will quickly tire of the indoor portion of Huck’s Harbor, we were able to score a rate of only $59 for the room and admission to Huck’s Harbor for our family of four plus Grandma Kay! To further buffer Xavier’s return to the abyss, we invited along his Aunt and Uncle who brought along cousin Sheltyn for his own debut visit to the pool (Sheltyn is almost exactly 3 months older than Xavier, thus his closest relative in age). Xavier and Sheltyn get along swimmingly…sorry, I couldn’t resist. So, we were all set with our second real attempt at getting Xavier into the pool, and our first with baby sister, Hayden who received a snappy little one-piece suit to wear during her own swim.

Surprisingly, Xavier showed mild excitement about the prospects of going back to Huck’s Harbor. Since our last visit, we have incorporated regular showers into his bath-time routine, so he has learned to tolerate and occasionally enjoy water running over his head. Hayden, for her part LOVES the water, and has had some shower time as well, much earlier than Xavier ever did. These factors led us to enter the pool area with a jolt of confidence that was notably absent since our summer visit. The confidence was reinforced as we entered the pool area, and Xavier quickly accepted my hand to walk him into the pool within minutes of strolling the deck to choose a table upon which to store our towels.

Disappointingly, in the dead of winter, Huck’s Harbor still hadn’t warmed their water any, so the shallow pool provided a chillier than expected welcome. Xavier toughed it out, and immediately climbed the four stairs leading to the frog slide. I held back my pride and amazement long enough for him to calmly slide down into my waiting arms, and as he hit the water, the memories of the fear filled summer visit seemed to return in a wave. Still determined to make this visit a success, I quickly carried him over to a pipe draining a steady stream of water onto anything venturing through its path. Once there, I allowed the water to hit me square in the face, splashing Xavier a bit in the process. Clowning it up as best as I could, my slapstick histrionics quickly changed the mood back to fun and excitement. Sensing a window, I set Xavier back down into the water, took his hand, and led him up the stairs of the elevated path leading to a series of small slides. Along the path, there are several areas where water is continually falling from above, and under each I was sure to repeat the clown routine, coaxing heartier laughter from my boy with each encore performance. Once to the middle, I decided to risk my own neck and convinced Xavier to ride on my lap down the widest of the small slides along the path. The ride was surprisingly slick, and we landed with a healthy splash!

Xavier and Dad splashdown!

I tried to recover as quickly as I could, ever conscious to keep his head above water, a challenging task to be sure, but critical, I believed, in keeping the fun alive. As I rose from the slightly embarrassing position in which the slide had left me, I was ecstatic to see on my son’s face not just a grin, but a beaming smile followed quickly by the loud request of “Let’s do it again!”

Success! After riding that yellow slide a few more times on Dad’s lap, my slightly bruised behind decided for us that it was time Xavier tried a ride solo. Being very careful not to push too hard at risk of tearing down all progress we had made, we chose the simplest of slides there, a series of four side-by-side blue slides no larger than the smaller of typical playground style slides that Xavier conquered before his first birthday.

Sitting on my lap for a ride down these blue slides was not an option as Dad’s lap (and this is no commentary on my physical fitness, mind you) was simply too wide to ride down…c’mon, they were made for toddlers for Pete’s sake! Xavier was able to overcome the bit of trepidation that was visibly rising up against his confidence, and bravely sit at the top of the slide while I quickly scampered down to the bottom to guide his entry into the water at the bottom. Once at the bottom, I gathered myself, arms outstretched, and asked him to push off. Amazingly, he took the plunge with almost no coaxing, and slid right into my arms so I could again prevent his noggin from splashing under the waves. No more than a second passed before he recovered and wanted to go again. We repeated this routine several more times before I ceased in accompanying him up to the top, and simply stood at the bottom watching him enjoy his unassisted slides into the shallow pool.

Going Solo!

I could barely contain my pride, and made no effort at all to contain my excitement. Not only had we overcome Xavier’s fear of swimming, but it was becoming apparent that we were going to have trouble getting him out of the pool. Deep down, I never really believed that Xavier wouldn’t ever swim, but I honestly didn’t expect such a quick and decisive victory as this. After many rides down the blue slides, several visits to the “drainpipe”, and a handful of solo rides down that first yellow slide, Xavier shocked me again as he wanted to get dumped on by the huge bucket atop the entire structure that dumped many gallons of water over the center of the structure every five minutes or so. This was no small splash either, it was a true soaker, and Xavier not only handled it, but loved it. It was so pleasing to see him enjoy himself so much.

No Fear!

How about the rookies, you ask? Cousin Sheltyn, while not quite as adventurous as Xavier, had plenty of fun wandering the pool, splashing with Xavier, and contemplating going down the slides…really contemplating. Perhaps next time, and for Sheltyn, a Burlington resident, there could be many next times in the near future. Hayden was terrific as well in her first visit to the pool. Still too young to do much beyond being dipped in the water, she spent nearly the entire time in the water with Mom taking in all the excitement, possibly forming memories that will bring her back with a greater desire to swim than Xavier first exhibited back in July.

For me, much as it did back in July, the visit brought back memories of swimming myself, and causes me to want to find ways to return to the pool on a regular basis. Swimming is such a wonderful way to get your exercise and have fun. It is a sport and activity that my family enjoyed immensely, and quite often. I spent much of my childhood living in an apartment complex that featured an outdoor pool which provided hours of fun every day from Memorial Day to Labor Day. Our far too infrequent family vacations were almost always highlighted by at least a one night stay at a Best Western so we could enjoy the indoor pool. To this day one of my favorite scents is that of the artificially warm chlorinated pool air, and I retain memories of that special shampoo we used to remove the green tint from our chlorine saturated hair. I am overjoyed in our great night of fun at Huck’s Harbor, and look forward to future days spent poolside watching the kids form memories of their own.

Be Well!

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Common Sin With Uncommon Impact 1

Posted by David - December 20th, 2009

I remember well the first time I actually watched Tiger Woods play golf. It was the final round of the 1996 U.S. Amateur Championship, and I tuned in late with Tiger down 2 holes and only 3 to play. He had been down five with nine to play, and was in the midst of what would become an historic comeback when he holed out a short birdie putt on the final hole to force a playoff. He then won on the second playoff hole for his record third consecutive U.S. Amateur Championship. He would go on to turn pro later that summer, winning the Masters for his first major victory the very next spring. Since that amazing start I have enjoyed and been amazed by Tiger’s ability to do under extreme pressure what very few people have been able to do at all. Almost every time I have watched Tiger play a “have-to-win” hole or stroke a “must-make” putt, he has succeeded. His success pleased me greatly as a sports fan, and specifically as a fan of golf.

I also vaguely remember first hearing about his relationship with Elin Nordegren. I believe that one of my friends sent me an e-mail, or forwarded a link to an article about it. The basic premise was, of course, that Tiger had met and started dating an “attractive” Swedish model. Upon reading further, I discovered that, in addition to some modeling, she was also a nanny for PGA Tour veteran Jesper Parnevik who was friendly with Tiger and introduced the couple. An apparent whirlwind romance, and a couple children later, all seemed simply peachy for Tiger and Elin. I distinctly remember seeing the Woods’ now famous family photo early in 2009, and saying to my wife, Kerry, “Wow! Tiger has really built himself a perfect life, huh?” I’m sure that I am not the only one who made such a soon-to-be-off-the-mark comment upon viewing that wonderful image.

Wait a minute here! You are probably now asking yourself, doesn’t this guy have a golf blog that would be better suited for this Tiger Woods nonsense? Yes, it would, if I were going to speak of golf, and indeed I have written a couple of times on the subject on my golf blog here. This piece, however, is not about golf per se, but rather the way that Tiger has become the latest of famous fathers to be hammered by our society for his failings as a faithful husband and responsible dad.

It is interesting to me how different people value vices and virtues differently, and indeed how they project those values upon others, quite often others with whom they have never become acquainted. It is hard to defend Tiger when discussing what he has done off the course, and I am not interested in trying. Quite to the contrary, I find his behaviors to be in unfathomably poor taste, socially retarded, and downright cruel to those who love him most, i.e. Elin and her two beautiful children.

Despite all that, many have reacted against the media who found the slight tear in the fabric of perfection that Tiger had draped over his personal life and tore it to shreds, revealing significantly more than perhaps anyone expected to find. While I also find much of what “our” media does these days to be predatory and inappropriate, they are merely reflecting what the masses want to know. It is easier than ever to know what subject matter the world wants to talk about with Google and other search engines compiling our curiosities millions of times over and making the knowledge available to anyone interested. People are clearly interested in seeing this man’s life exposed for all the bad it could possibly harbor, but to what end?

Tiger is going to come back to golf. He may or may not have reconciled with Elin by then, and may or may not have become a better husband, father, and person that he said he wants to be. He may or may not still have the drive to not just win, but bury his competitors, yet it remains highly likely that he will ultimately break Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 Majors.

I don’t care!

Really, I don’t. Though I was a fan, upon introspection I never really rooted for Tiger, but rather watched in awe as he accomplished things on the course that I can barely even dream of doing myself. Sure, there were times when I rooted for Tiger over another competitor as I did during that Masters victory in 1997, or when he faced off with an insipid and annoying Sergio Garcia in the 1999 PGA Championship. Recently, however, I have found several others who have captured my attention, and who I have rooted for over Tiger. Whether it is Phil Mickelson, Geoff Ogilvy, Anthony Kim, or that cool new kid on the block, Rory McIlroy, they all portray a humanity and openness that Tiger mostly eliminated from his on-air persona at least a decade ago.

So, when Tiger returns, yes, I am still going to watch him play, and I am still going to be in awe of what he accomplishes, but rooting for him will be no more or less a part of it for me than it was before. The reason for this is pretty simple actually. I don’t in any way model myself after Tiger Woods…not even on the golf course! First, I know I will never hit a ball like he does, no matter how much I practice, it will not happen…ever. Second, I do not like Nike products…I didn’t buy them before this incident, and will not buy them now. This holds true for all other products Tiger endorses save for Gatorade which I drank routinely before even Tiger graduated high school. Finally, I never, ever have or will think Tiger would excel over me at being a husband or father.

So, let me ask you, how do you feel about Tiger Woods? Have you judged him for what we have learned about his marital infidelities? Are there others you have known personally who have done something similar? Does the number of women that Tiger has been linked to thus far make it any worse than if it had been just one? Again, it doesn’t matter what we all think, it only matters what Tiger thinks…and to Tiger, hopefully it matters what Elin and his two children will think. Tiger committed no sin against you, only himself, and his family, and he is now having to answer to them.

What of other “sinners”?

Pete Rose holds the record in baseball for most career hits with 4,256, yet he will likely never enter baseball’s Hall of Fame. He bet on baseball, if you hadn’t already heard, and even bet on his own team (to win, according to Mr. Rose). He violated one of baseball’s sacred rules, and will therefore not be allowed the honor of being one of their all-time greats on the field. Tiger will not only be enshrined in golf’s Hall of Fame the day he hangs up the spikes, but was just named the PGA Player of the Year right in the midst of this scandal. Is betting on baseball games a more undesirable transgression than cheating on your wife? Of course not, but professionally there is no contest because of the relevance of the “crime”.

Bill Clinton cheated on his wife while holding the highest political office in the United States of America, and arguably the world. He was asked about it by a judge during his deposition in the Kenneth Starr led Whitewater investigation and dodged the question, only to lie about his affair in public. Despite the question and the affair being completely irrelevant to the investigation, Clinton was impeached by the House of Representatives, becoming only the second U.S. president to be impeached, though he was later acquitted by the Senate. One of the articles of impeachment, and in my opinion, the most relevant, was “abuse of power”, which Clinton clearly did. But did he? Did Clinton really do anything that many others have done despite holding no power? I will leave it for you to decide, but the end result was a completed Clinton presidency, a public humiliation, followed by the continued ability to make loads of money making appearances and speeches across the world to this day. The Clintons are still married, though the grounds of which will only be fully known by Bill and Hillary.

Others who have publicly cheated, yet manage to maintain a very comfortable lifestyle and fan following include Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Hugh Grant, Charlie Sheen, and David Letterman. Did they “abuse their power”? Certainly they did (well, maybe not Mr. Grant), but somehow many millions have found it in their hearts to forgive these philanderers, so why not Tiger too?

When asked, I will always answer that I am not a religious man, but I am a spiritual one. I believe in a personal moral and ethical code, many facets of which should be shared by all civilized and sane folks. I believe that the act itself is not a violation of that code, but rather the effect that said act may have, i.e. the pain it will likely cause others. I think that a code of statutory laws is also required for a society to run itself with consistency, though I believe those laws require fair judgment to determine whether the circumstances surrounding the violation of the letter of the law deem the violation to be “understandable” and “forgivable”. We have legislators, police officers, judges and courts in America to perform the latter service, but the former must be handled by ourselves.

Some of these codes cross over between moral/ethical and statutory. Examples of those would include murder, theft, and assault. Tiger Woods committed a violation of statutory law when he drove over that fire hydrant, and he paid his debt to society for that. He also committed many acts many of us would deem a violation of our moral code, but it is only Tiger who can say if he violated his moral code, and unless we are willing to create a statutory law against extramarital affairs (which we should not!), it is not our responsibility to judge Tiger, but rather hope that he did knowingly violate his own moral code, and will ask forgiveness from himself, and from the rest of the people in his life he hurt.

I know the decision that I have made regarding this subject, and I hope that most or all of you would agree. We need to cease our support for the media gossip machine, and leave these “celebrities” to their business. If a childish actor decides to get liquored up and plows his Hummer into a palm tree, let’s let the police handle it, and not concern ourselves with why it happened and what the results were by purchasing issues of Us, People, and National Enquirer. Stop watching those god-awful television programs aired just before prime time, the worst of which might be TMZ, designed only to openly gossip about celebrities. Finally, we must end our need to be “up” on all the latest gossip by visiting celebrity gossip blogs and sites online. Only when we stop will the media stop, and we can get back to being interested in making ourselves better people too.

Be Well!

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Love Is A Battlefield 1

Posted by David - December 10th, 2009

Recently, my little family has entered what appears to be another phase in our development. My daughter, Hayden, is now eight months old, and has quickly mastered the surprisingly effective army crawl method of getting around. In short, she has become mobile, inquisitive, and adventurous, and through no intent of her own, has brought a bevy of new hazards into her young life. I write this today with a mix of pride in her new skills, relief in our new ability to set the child down for a spell to wander on her own, and an edginess that has been brought to a new level as a result of the aforementioned hazards that have now presented themselves to little Hayden.

The first of these hazards is our most nocturnal resident, the former street-walking feline named Blackjack, and known simply as Jack the Cat. Jack is actually a fairly docile kitty who would much rather lie on a warm mat for hours than get into any one’s business. Hayden, on the other hand, much like any newly mobile cruiser, is enamored and perhaps even a bit obsessed with her furry roommate. If Jack so much as saunters through Hayden’s view, she is off to the races, and is not interested in petting the kitty. No, at this age, prior to learning the petting skill, interaction with the cat involves either a smack/smash combination, or the more frequent, and retribution-inducing, grab-and-pull technique.

Jack is a former alley cat who we took in a few years prior to the kids arrival, and he may just find his way happily back to the alley at this point. He has retained both his front and back claws during his time squatting on our property, and we would have it no other way, but it does mean a closer eye on the interactions between he and the kids is vital. Though damaging exchanges of swipes are rare, they have happened, and hurt both ways. Fortunately, Jack has already experienced Hurricane Xavier for almost three years now, so pretty much steers clear of his “little” sister. We live in a small place however, making an occasional crossing of paths inevitable, so diligent guardians we must remain.

The cat is a hazard, yes, and one we have dealt with for some time, but there is another new hazard in Hayden’s life that neither we nor Xavier had to deal with during his development through mobility. This new hazard is none other than Xavier himself. Yes, big brother loves little sister, and often loves her just a bit too strongly.

Xavier has been interested in Hayden since her birth. He regularly reminds us how pretty Hayden is, and already tells her he loves her every night as they are heading off to bed. Before her new mobility, Xavier’s kisses were given on our schedule, and always on the top of the head, or feet if the head wasn’t available. Over the last few weeks, we have noticed a change however, and though it has something to do with Hayden’s new “independence”, it likely has as much to do with Xavier trying to establish a new level of independence himself.

It is a very fine line that seems to exist between their relationship bliss and sudden, inexplicable, and generally harmless violence. Hayden adores her big brother who is almost exactly two years her elder. He is one of the most reliable methods of not only ending her crying and fussiness, but also of bringing pure joy and happiness to her face. They can go for stretches together on the floor playing and laughing. One of their favorite games right now involves Xavier riding his little fire truck around the couch with Hayden “chasing” behind him. I have never heard Xavier laugh so genuinely and deeply until I saw this game played, and it is immensely gratifying to watch. Even during their innocent play, however, we can already see Xavier’s possessiveness of not only his, but her toys as well. He will normally take from Hayden all but the single toy that he thinks will “make her feel better”. Generally that toy is a forgotten doll that neither of them have ever had much interest in, and this quickly results in her abandonment of said doll for whatever it is that he is playing with. Unless we quickly intervene, the ensuing melee (yes, you might be surprised how strong and aggressive an eight month old can be) normally resolves with a light smack on the head or a push from Xavier, followed by Hayden’s patented spine-tingling, medulla-stinging screech and cry which I believe she created using a sample from an early Bjork ditty, then remixed into her own terror-ridden riff.

Back during one of our first pediatrician check-ups with young Hayden, our doctor told us that above all else, watch the older sibling with her. Though we understood what he meant, I don’t think that either of us on the parental team knew exactly what we might be in for. There is no doubt in my mind that Xavier genuinely likes Hayden, probably “loves” her insomuch as an almost three year old can love another child, but without the understanding of his own power and her ability to feel pain, that love can be a dangerous weapon. Most of the time, mishaps occur because of an overwhelming hug from big brother toppling the unstable little one, or an ill-advised snatch of a toy that he believes she is too young to have (generally he is right in his assessment of the toys she shouldn’t have, by the way). Sometimes, though, there appears in Xavier an emotion we had yet to fully realize before now, a stubborn jealously that quickly escalates from an encounter with Hayden on the toy mat to a blowout with Mom or Dad about who is really in charge ending in a sobbing visit to the timeout spot.

I know that like all else, this phase will pass and become something new to challenge our parenting skills, patience, and sanity, but right now, it is a roller-coaster of blissful contentedness and angry confrontations. I look forward to what the next phase will bring, and though there are surely countless more sibling battles yet to occur, it will be nice to at least see Hayden grow to a fair fighting weight and even the playing field for a while anyway. Until then, I welcome any stories of your own experience with siblings and their battles born from love. Thanks in advance for sharing.

Be Well!

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Lil’ Kickers Is Underway 1

Posted by David - December 5th, 2009

This past Wednesday, our son achieved yet another first in his young life. In this case it was his first day playing an organized sport, and the sport he was playing is soccer. Some (hopefully many) of you read in a previous post titled My Lil’ Kicker, that we would be beginning these lessons as much to get Xavier to develop his listening skills as to get him involved in sports. While my son’s physical skills bloomed early, the ears have lagged behind a bit.

Xavier kicking a ball during his first Lil' Kickers class

My first impression of the Lil’ Kickers program is very good. The leader of this “Thumpers” class is Coach Pickle who assured me that, yes, it is his real last name. Coach Pickle is a very patient and pleasant young man (that looks really funny to actually write) who handles a decent sized group of 2 year olds with as much calm and control as one could expect. We were the first ones from our class to arrive, so had a few extra minutes to meet the coach and better understand what they would be doing. Coach Pickle confirmed that while, yes, they would be learning soccer skills, that it was as much about balance, coordination, listening, and teamwork…Good Stuff!

Coach Pickle tries to stop Xavier at a Red Light

At first blush, the Lil’ Kickers class appears to be yet another Gymboree Play and Learn class which we have also attended. They sing songs, play games like “Red Light/Green Light”, get stamps on their hands, and even utilize the parachute. Later in the class, however, they brought out cones which they needed to stack in different ways. The cone building culminated in kicking a soccer ball into the tower, thus knocking it over and rendering it useless. Towards the end of the class, Coach allowed a little bit of free-for-all where the kids just kicked balls randomly. There was some guidance toward one of two nets they had in the corners of the gym, as well as direction to avoid using their hands.

Xavier seemed to really enjoy the class, and I am looking forward to seeing how he develops over the next 10-12 weeks under the tutelage of Coach Pickle and his fellow Thumpers. Oh, and before I wrap this up, I must share with you one of my “Proud Papa” moments. During the game of “Red Light/Green Light”, Coach Pickle threw in a curve ball…the “Yellow Light”. As he introduced the Yellow Light to the kids, he asked them if anyone knew what the Yellow Light meant, and, after a brief pause, Xavier shouted out with full confidence, “CAUTION!”. That’s my boy!

Xavier enjoys his first Lil’ Kickers class

So, though no whistles were blown, no yellow cards given, and no goals scored, it was indeed Xavier’s first soccer practice. I don’t know if a career in soccer is the ultimate goal of the class, but if that occurs, so be it. Ideally, he will emerge from this class in late February with stronger listening skills, a sense of teamwork, and a killer bicycle kick! Well, OK, maybe just the first two.

Be Well!

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I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Big Trains 2

Posted by David - November 24th, 2009

Being a Gemini in almost every way, there are loads of subjects that interest me, if only in the most superficial way. Those of us born under the astrological sign of Gemini, if you even casually “believe” in such things, are known to be great communicators with a quick wit, inquisitive about many things, but lacking the patience to stay interested in any subject long enough to master even one. That describes me to a tee, and has helped me in such pursuits as trivia (catch that?) and conversation, but alas, not in any monetary way. I enjoy topics ranging from sports to history, politics to movies, and cars to conservation. One topic, however, has never grabbed my attention…not even for a moment, until now. That topic is trains.

Listen, I’m not saying that I have been completely unaware of trains. I have utilized trains quite a bit in my life as a means of transportation, and even rather enjoyed riding the train during my childhood. What I mean is that trains never intrigued me enough to watch them, learn about them, collect them, or play with toy versions of them. I do remember a friend of mine who had an electric train that I played with once or twice, but watching a miniature sized freight train run around a six foot oval track was far from what I considered fun. Seeing freight trains live meant only one thing to me, a long boring delay in an otherwise efficient trip to wherever it was we were headed.

Now, flash to the present. We live in a neighborhood that is positively littered with trains. From our balcony you can watch Chicago’s Metra commuter trains arriving and departing from Ogilvie Transportation Center (formerly the Northwestern Train Station). Not even 1/2 block to our south is the CTA elevated line carrying the Green and Pink lines servicing Chicago’s West Side nearly 24 hours a day. Within two blocks to our north both the aforementioned Metra trains and the occasional Amtrak train pass over the grade crossings at both Clinton Street and Canal Street on their way into Union Station. Those same trains can be viewed from directly overhead as they pass under either Lake Street or Des Plaines Street. As I type this, I am listening to the hum of a Metra engine, bells a dinging, on it’s way into Ogilvie.

Though it can be a bit of a ruckus during both the morning and the afternoon rush, it very quickly becomes part of the ambient noise, and is easily ignored…if you are so inclined, of course. My son, Xavier became enamored with trains even before he was mobile. Early on, he was particularly fond of the CTA, which we actually ride far more often than we do the Metra. He smiled as the trains clattered by overhead, and he laughed as they pulled in and out of the stations at which we waited. In fact, one of the first phrases he ever uttered was “Up-Up” referring to the “El” train loudly passing overhead on Lake St.

Riding on the CTA El train

As he learned to walk, the city opened a new park and playground north of us on the corner of Kinzie and Jefferson. This was shortly after his first birthday, and required a walk across the grade crossing on Clinton St., which typically resulted in a mandatory wait of at least 15-20 minutes to watch a handful of Metra trains roll by at eye level. Xavier’s love of trains was growing, and he was not alone. As we got to know several of the other parents in the neighborhood, it became apparent that this love of the rails was at least in large part a factor of proximity. Without exception, every child (boys and girls) growing up in this area of the West Loop loves to watch the trains go by, though some obsess a bit more than others.

Sensing the interest, Kerry was the first of the parental team to enter the realm of Thomas the Tank Engine, and she jumped right in with both feet. Xavier’s first gift, for no special occasion whatsoever, was the Pirate’s Cove set which included track, a couple of bridges and tunnels (one referred to as Skull Mountain), Thomas, Salty, and a cargo car. The cost for this “little gift” was…wait for it…$150! He loved it, and still plays with it every day almost two years later. Many other engines and vehicles followed including four trains from a company called Whittle Trains that are exact wooden replicas of an Amtrak Engine, Amtrak Superliner Coach Car, Metra Passenger Car, and CTA Passenger Car. On any significant trip from home, Xavier must be accompanied by at least one, and usually several of his trains.

The wooden Thomas trains are relatively expensive, but have a certain handcrafted and traditional feel to them. I think these wooden toys create a sense of nostalgia in this final generation of parents who grew up playing with toys that were considered “high-tech” if they ran on batteries. With an entire community of characters to select from and collect, it also plays upon my inner urge to collect them all. In the past this urge has manifested in collections of baseball cards, G.I. Joe figures, coins, matchbooks, shot glasses, and photos of state capitol buildings. Good for Xavier, and bad for my wallet. The characters all originate in the other, and in my opinion, more evil side of Thomas…the television episodes, all of which are available on DVD. Each episode runs about 8 minutes, and having been created by a Reverend, would teach some sort of good moral lesson, or so we believed.

Xavier watching the South Shore Metra trains come in under Jackson St.

I was the one who first introduced the DVDs to the house, so shame on me. Again, Xavier loved them, and for a time, wanted to watch them over anything else available on the television. I brought the first ones home as a surprise when he was probably about 18 months old. The three of us sat down together to watch the first episode without a worry at all. He had already seen Thomas on T.V. a couple of times and enjoyed it, so what could go wrong? In the first episode, “Percy’s Chocolate Crunch”, Xavier’s second favorite engine, Percy, in the course of trying to stay clean by delivering sugar to the chocolate factory, slides on an oily track and crashes rather violently through the entire length of the factory, finally exiting hard through the back wall covered in chocolate. Harmless fantasy to older children and adults, sure, but Xavier was stunned, and seeing the tears welling up, I quickly skipped to the next episode, the name of which escapes me. In this episode, Gordon, the biggest and fastest engine on the Island of Sodor, decides he is too fast too obey a slow caution sign on some old tracks, and before we knew it, he had derailed and crashed through the countryside coming to a stop only after plowing through a barn and throwing his driver and fireman into a pile of dirt. This time we were too late, and Xavier melted down. Though it only took a few minutes to calm him, we went ahead and previewed the other episodes before allowing him to watch them. During our previews we even caught the trains calling each other “stupid” and telling each other to “shut up”. Reverend indeed!

Xavier decked out in his Thomas Gear for "A Day Out With Thomas"

Fortunately, Xavier has grown tired of the Thomas shows, but has replaced them with more desire than ever to see the trains in person down at the grade crossing. We oblige at least a couple of times per day, and he comes home extra happy if he is lucky enough to see an Amtrak being pulled by the efficient GE Genesis Engine and pushed by an Amtrak Cascades Engine. He will even sit down quietly on the floor and page through the free Amtrak catalog showing all the various lines and trips one can take aboard the rails of Amtrak. We are seriously contemplating a long trip on either Amtrak’s Empire Builder or California Zephyr once Hayden is old enough to appreciate it.

Now, as if nurture isn’t a powerful force in child development, Hayden at only seven months old is beginning to take a shine to the big engines as they roll by. Her favorite toys of Xavier’s to swipe as she “army crawls” the living room are his Thomas trains and track. The good news is that if she does somehow end up loving Thomas as well, we already have such a large collection that sharing will be a piece of cake.

As for me, I still don’t understand the obsession, but have certainly learned a lot more about it. I now know the actual manufacturers and models of the various engines used by Metra to power their trains, and Xavier and I have even been introduced to one in particular that the Metra staff refers to as “Stinky Vern”. I have a pretty good handle on when all the different trains depart from Ogilvie Transportation Center as we frequently skip the grade crossing and walk the three blocks to the station itself where we can watch the trains arrive and depart right at the source. I am now familiar with the term “Railfan” and the community to which that name belongs. I know of locomotives with such colorful names as The Blue Goose, The Commodore Vanderbilt, The Mighty Hudson, and the Southern Pacific Daylight Express. I have even filmed some Metra and Amtrak trains during our excursions and posted them to YouTube where I have several hundred views and a handful of comments. Despite all that, I still don’t feel the love, but so long as Xavier and Hayden enjoy the trains, by god, I will do my best to pretend.

Be Well!

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This Dad’s Blog Has A New Address!

Posted by David - November 19th, 2009

To all of you readers of Just Another Dad, we have moved! Finally sold the condo?! I wish that were the case, but in actuality, only the blog has moved. What once was justanotherdad.wordpress.com is now http://notjustanotherdad.com. If you enter the old domain, you will still get to the new site, but if you have bookmarked the site, please take a second to update the link with the new URL.

You will quickly notice that the look and feel of the site has changed as well. I would love your feedback on this as it can be easily changed again. I chose it because it conveys a sense of adventure that suggests stories from books my own Dad would read to me as a child.

As always, please take note of the affiliate partnerships I have established in the right column, and take a moment to click through and browse their sites, buying at will.

Thanks so much for following along, I hope it continues to be as much fun to read and contribute as it has been for me to write.

Be Well!

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Vaccinations — TMI! 4

Posted by David - July 8th, 2009

So, today I was browsing the blogosphere and literally stumbled on the following article/link:

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/badastronomy/2009/07/06/jenny-mccarthy-spreading-dangerous/

For those of you unfamiliar, and if you have any children 5 years old or younger this would be unlikely, Jenny McCarthy has a son who is autistic. She has made it her mission to, at worst demonize the vaccinations that are given to children in the United States today, at best call for more research to be done.

Let me just warn you right off the bat that this post is not intended in any way to choose a side and argue with empirical evidence for either. My point today is that one must be careful in the age of the Internet to do one’s own careful research, and come to one’s own conclusion.

I mentioned some of this in my first post on this blog, but the issue of immunizations is HUGE with parents of young children today. I took my time and read almost all of the comments on the link above, and all it did was frustrate and anger me. Why is it that we (and by we here, I mean specifically Americans — please forgive the generalization) are so incapable of saying “I don’t know”?

When faced with the first couple of rounds of immunizations on our son Xavier, my wife and I admittedly had not done any homework on the issue. Kerry was the first to question what we were doing after the 2nd month checkup when Xavier was given 4 injections plus an oral rota-virus vaccine. He was irritable for a couple of days, and ran a mild fever for one night, but on that night he had a short burst of terror inducing crying, the sound of which thankfully has faded from my memory. Kerry had heard some stories about other parents refusing to get their children vaccinated on the recommended schedule, or even at all, and was seemingly leaning that way.

I am naturally skeptical when I listen to debates between the unknown and science, so I decided to do some homework so that we could make an informed decision about our son’s health. This is where the frustration immediately began. There is so much “information” out there on this topic, and so much steadfast assuredness of individual beliefs that it caused in me information overload, and I mean brain shutting down…period!

It became quickly apparent that if I chose to vaccinate, I was buying into the government system of lies and deceit, and was poisoning my child. On the other hand, if I chose not to vaccinate, I would be considered a new age quack, and would very surely endanger my son’s health, AND eventually his ability to go to school. So, what is a parent supposed to do? I can only tell you what we did, and ask you to honestly share your own decisions here for others to use to form their own opinions.

Kerry and I discussed it (sometimes endlessly), and chose to continue the full immunization schedule, but on an extended time frame to avoid multiple injections at the same visit. Our pediatrician, one who we are very happy with, advised to stay on schedule, but seemed more than happy to respect our wishes and slow down the barrage. We have continued this decision with our new daughter, Hayden, and all is well with both children thus far.

You see, the fact is that there is not a good answer to the question, “is the current immunization schedule the best thing for our childrens’ health?” I hate to use a movie as an example, but I will anyway. In the first Jurassic Park movie (c’mon, who didn’t like that flick?) Jeff Goldblum’s character was explaining the inherent flaw in the scientists self-assuredness that by only breeding a single gender, they would avoid massive dinosaur re-population on the Earth. “Life finds a way,” he explains while spinning a yarn about some frogs that are able to change gender spontaneously in order to procreate and continue their species.

My point is that we must be very careful to avoid hubris in thinking that because we have tested something with the scientific method, it is surely correct. On the other hand, we would be completely irrational to refute the scientific evidence we have discovered as so much crap. I do not need empirical evidence to suggest that the world’s population is exploding right now due to births significantly outnumbering deaths. This is due to any number of factors from advances in sanitation and treatment of clean drinking water to yes, advances in medicine…including immunizations.

Let me go on record as saying that we know what our children don’t get sick and die from as a result of immunizations, e.g. measles, mumps, rubella, polio, and more. There is very solid evidence as well that we have diagnosed far more children today with autism than we did 30 years ago. These two things need not be related. It would seem that enough work has been done to suggest that there is not a causal relationship between the current immunizations and the increase in autism cases, but does that mean we should not better understand why there is such an increase in autism? I have heard it suggested that the increase in autism can be at least partially explained by our increased knowledge of the disorder, and therefore increased diagnoses in individuals determined to have something else in the past. I have spoken with too many parents who are choosing completely different paths to consider this a case closed, and if it will take more research to put people’s mind’s at ease, then we should fund that research.

Is there more I am not aware of? If so, then I’d love to hear it. In any case, I hope if nothing else, I have created a place for an intelligent discussion of this matter, and very much welcome your participation.

Be well!

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Terror in the Kiddie Pool! 1

Posted by David - July 4th, 2009

I have just spent the last 5 days in Burlington, IA visiting Kerry’s family. It was a pleasant enough week as the weather and hospitality made for a relaxing time. I got to play golf twice, practice once, and had plenty of home cooking to fill my too-ample belly. Today was getaway day, and being July 3rd, I set Noon as our departure time in order to beat the crowds headed into downtown Chicago for the fireworks. Of course, the kids wake us up between 7 and 8, so we needed an activity for those 3-4 hours before we left. Kerry had the winning idea…Huck’s Harbor!

Huck’s Harbor is a surprisingly large water park that makes up only a portion of a huge family entertainment complex called Fun City, and is plopped right in the middle of the strip malls and fast food joints that lie on Roosevelt Ave. just north of Highway 34…yes, the same 34 that we in Chicago call Ogden Ave. In addition to Huck’s Harbor, Fun City features a resort/hotel, a children’s/young adult “arcade”, a bowling alley, at least 2 dining options, AND a casino. Not bad for a town of about 30,000 people.

So, we were off to Huck’s Harbor. The drive over from my mother-in-law’s house was all of 5 minutes…tops. The cost for two adults was $12 for the entire day, and the two kids under 3 were free. We purchased a “swimmers” diaper for Xavier for $2, changed into our rarely used swim gear, and moseyed on over to the indoor kiddie area. It was a pretty great setup with a gradual ramp to wade into the 1 ft. deep water which held an array of miniature water slides, a few of which were in the shape of such aquatic denizens as a frog and a fish. There were two of those mushroom/umbrella things which you could stay dry under, but got wet as you entered. There was also a bridge-like structure in the middle from which various styles of 2-3 foot high slides exited in every direction .

Xavier has been swimming twice in his young life before today…in back-to-back days down in Florida when he was 7 months old. He liked it then, but that was a long time ago. Xavier loves taking baths, but is not fond of the shower. He abhors getting water in his eyes, a boy made for the desert, I suppose. I, on the other hand, was a fish as a child. I have nothing but fond memories of swimming as far back as I can remember, and was quite proficient at it as well. Having children that like to swim (or at least know how) is important to me.

So, once we got Kerry and Hayden settled at a poolside table, I took Xavier’s hand, and we moved to the wade-in point. As we wandered in, I was relieved to feel the bathwater temperature of the pool…at least we wouldn’t be dealing with blue lips from the chill. Xavier handled this part pretty well, and strolled around the pool with me for several minutes. At some point shortly thereafter, we stopped, and I sat down in the water next to him, and started to lay back to show him that we could swim just like in the smaller bath back home. This did not go over well. Xavier’s lower lip began to quiver, the eyes squinted, and the crying began followed quickly by near screaming. I sat back up, of course, and held him, reassuring him that I was OK, and he would be too. I then picked him up and we strolled around the pool, stopping at every drenching opportunity to soak daddy’s head to demonstrate safety and fun. He was having none of it, but I didn’t want to give in so easy lest I foster a fear of water in him.

By this time, Grandma Kay showed up to watch Hayden, so Kerry came in for an assist. It was a fruitless effort however, as Xavier only continued to cry and plead to get out. At one point he even told Kerry that he pooped, and that we needed to go back to Grandma’s to change him (he didn’t — clever boy). We chose next to walk outside in the sun to warm up a bit, and check out the other attractions.

Aha! The Lazy River…surely an easy way to introduce him to the water. I grabbed an inner-tube, and sat him right on my stomach so he could slowly ride above the water around the complex. Well, he did stop crying, and even enjoyed himself for a brief moment as Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” played loud enough for me to mock dance with him. About halfway around, he had enough however, and wanted out. He held it together through the end of the circuit, but that was enough of Lazy River.

Next, we tried letting him watch me swim a couple laps in the adult pool. This he seemed to enjoy, though it did not make him want to get in the water any more than before, and reminded me how difficult lap swimming is when you haven’t done it in years. Once I caught my breath, we decided to attempt the kiddie pool once more before abandoning ship.

I carried Xavier in, and we moved to the corner of the pool right next to Kerry, Grandma Kay, and Hayden with a rope netting serving as a barrier between us and them…it didn’t go any better.

Get me out!

So, still not 100% ready to give up, I sat down and held him again. I moved back away from him slowly and asked him to follow, which he did. I then told him that if he walked all the way out of the pool and over to the table, all the while holding my hand, we could go back to Grandma’s for lunch before we left for home. He sucked up his last few tears, and made me proud…it’s the little victories, y’know? Kerry quickly wrapped him in a towel before he and I went to the locker room to change back into our street clothes.

I'm spent!

So, I am not terribly concerned. I think he just needs more exposure to swimming. I am going to try to get him into the next session of lessons at our local pool to help warm him up to the idea of swimming. He is 2 years and 4 months old now. What are your experiences with your kid’s early attempts at swimming? Have we done any damage or missed a key entry point? Any sound advice, or just entertaining stories of commiseration are welcome!